This week, instead of posting new things I want to stay silent and instead allow other POC voices to come through. This is a particularly moving piece about one woman’s journey with her hair. I loved this post and I hope you do too. 
Let me just say, this is the longest amount of time I have ever spent on a blog post. It is a wide open door into a hidden part of me that I never …
…then you haven’t seen me.
That’s how you have to think about yourself. Constantly reinventing.
Okay, so you’re not Madonna. But you do have new challenges and new constraints to work with everyday. So, it’s important that you see yourself in a new way when you can. And more than that, you should be believing that you can do it.
It could be anything — new clothes, a new haircut, anything! Any time you can re-evaluate who you are and what your new limits can be then you can start fresh. You can fall in love with yourself for the first time or for the first time in awhile.
So, take opportunities to reinvent yourself seriously. It’ll affect how you see yourself and how others see you. After all, you never know who you can be until you try.
There’s a lot to be said about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. In learning more about them by seeing life from their perspective.
But there’s something else to be said about viewing life from your own perspective.
You would do good to remember that what you think is just as valuable as what someone else thinks (am I the only one that needs this reminder?)
And by that principle, you should think the world of yourself. Have confidence. Because no one is just like you and no one has your exact perspective. We all bring something different to the table, even if we don’t always feel like it.
So, don’t be afraid to be fully in your skin, and to see life from your own unique perspective. You are who you think you are, not who you’d rather be. And from my perspective, you’re all pretty great.
We all know one (or are one).
A b**** – A woman (a word mostly used for women by women) who is loud, obnoxious, arrogant, pushy, and bossy.
But have you ever noticed that women call each other b****** when they simply don’t like what they’re doing? It seems a woman can’t ever stand up for herself, a woman cannot speak her mind, a woman cannot call out the errors of others without looking like a you know what.
Well, you know what? I’m not a Starbucks barista. I’m not here to put whip cream in your latte and a smile on your heart. I don’t have to be nice all the time. I can be respectful while still getting what I want.
I don’t have to be afraid of the b word anymore. Actually, it sort of has a nice ring to it. (Maybe I should change the old blog name to b****dailey).
At the end of the day, don’t be afraid of what people think of you. Because at the end of the day, you don’t have to spend time with anyone but yourself. After all, there’s a little b**** in all of us.
I’m sure I’ve written about this topic before (maybe even under the same name), but I think it bears repeating.
It’s not okay to be selfish. But it’s very okay to be self-ish. Let me explain.
Selfish means that you’re not in touch with the needs of others and that you put yourself before everyone else all of the time.
Self-ish means you’re in touch with the needs of others and that you put yourself before others some of the time. And that’s really it — some of the time, you need to take care of yourself. So be self-ish. Just ish. Just a little.
Take yours truly, for example. I’m what you call a workaholic. (I call it overachieving). But whatever you call it, it doesn’t change the fact that I feel guilty and ashamed when I take a lunch break. A break that is provided to everyone equally, but for some reason, is difficult for me to accept.
Now, I’m not selfish. I certainly don’t take a longer lunch break than anyone else. But I’m self-ish when I take a lunch break. I’m putting myself and my needs first some of the time when it’s needed.
So be self-ish sometimes, and you’ll find no reason to be selfish.
Like many people, I work in an office. I’m basically on email at all times of the day: writing, drafting, deleting, filing, rereading.
And a lot of my emails start the same way: “hello, this is a friendly reminder to…”
Because everyone needs to be reminded of things sometimes. Because even though most things are automated, it doesn’t take away the fact that we’re human. And because it doesn’t mean we don’t have to be friendly about our little nudges and follow ups.
So, I figured that maybe we could all use a few friendly reminders. Not only on emails but on life.
Here’s my favorites:
I hope these reminders are friendly enough. And I hope you have a friend when you need one. (I’m always here if you don’t.)
Whether you’re having trouble finding happiness in your life or you just want to be a better employee, it’s easy to pick up a book, or listen to a podcast, or read a blog (wink, wink) that is supposed to *change your life*. And the best thing? You can do it yourself! You can start changing your thinking right now! You can have a better life!
So, what do I say about that?
First: Congratulations! You’re seeking help for a problem you have! That’s great!
Next: proceed with caution.
Why?
Because I’d like to remind you that there is no panacea. There is no cure-all. And while it’s great to learn more about yourself and work to improve your flaws, it is not a switch to flip.
Basically, you can’t watch 10 TED talks and become a better person. You can have a new perspective after you watch them. You can work on it. You can learn something new. But you can’t be a perfect person because you’ve read a book on how to be one. And I think it’s time you recognized how 1) awesome you are already and 2) how great it is that you’re even trying to improve your outlook on life. Way to not be stagnant!
I think there really should be a disclaimer on all self-help books that warns people. And then, reminds them that theyre human. So, for best results, be realistic about your growth.
In the end, by all means, give yourself some self-help. But remember to practice self-love, too.
Did you laugh at that title? It’s funny, right? The thought that beatings could actually improve your outlook on life seems ridiculous.
Well, if it’s so funny, why do we do it to ourselves?
Let’s see if you recognize the following situation:
You’re in a rush. You are out the door before you realize that you don’t have your keys. You run back into the house to grab them. They’re right by the door, where you left them. You run out through the door back to your car. You’re driving, driving, driving. You are minutes away from your place of work when you realize that you have forgotten your lunch at home. All of that sandwichy deliciousness is left to become warm on the kitchen counter. It is not likely that it will be any good come dinnertime, and it certainly isn’t doing you any good being left at home.
So, what is your first reaction to the above scenario? What if that were you, leaving your lunch, in this situation? Would you say, oh, fiddlesticks! I will just have to eat out today or Well, I guess I will just have to make leftovers for dinner tonight–leftovers from lunch! And then you giggle and titter behind your hand like a schoolgirl.
Or…do you do what I do: #@$%* I FORGOT MY LUNCH. I AM AN IDIOT. I AM THE WORLD’S WORST, AND I DESERVE TO STARVE FOR THIS.
Yeah. There’s basically two people in this world, as you can see. But unfortunately, if you are the second person, you’re probably not getting the results you want from yourself. Why’s that, you wonder? Why, after the first hundred times that you forgot your lunch at home, do you think that yelling at yourself is going to help you remember? Emotional stress = increased memory, perhaps?
Disregarding any pseudo-scientific explanation your brain tells itself, the answer is it’s just not. The most it is going to do is make you feel bad (and most likely hungry).
And there are millions of people who do this. Who don’t think they’re good enough, who think they need to be perfect, who are yelling at themselves right now.
But the thing that they don’t tell you about lies is that if you say them often enough, and loud enough, they become the truth. You become the stupid idiot who deserves to starve for whatever small crime you “committed” against the world when you tell yourself it is true, even when it is not.
The short and long of it is that you shouldn’t beat yourself up so much. The world will only be too happy to do that for you, if you let it. Don’t think you are saving yourself by beating everyone else to the (mental) punch.
Last night, I talked a little about self-esteem issues. (You should probably just go read the post from yesterday.)
But since we all like to be lazy, I will provide a brief summary of what I said. Pretty much from the dawn of time we have been told that we need to love our (then caveman) selves. We need to walk into a room and shine. We need to puff our chest out, swing our hips, and smile our flashiest smile. We need to act like we are the best thing since snuggies and snapchat combined.
We falter sometimes. We have bad weather days. But often, when we put on our favorite shirt or shoes, when we apply a bright color of lipstick, when we get our hair just right, it’s not hard to convince the world that we’re the cat’s pajamas.
You see, instilling confidence in ourselves isn’t that hard when we are told that we need to believe that we’re special and kind. That we are fun to be around and that we matter. Doesn’t everyone want to think that about themselves? Doesn’t everyone hope that’s true?
Even though it can be a struggle, we all want to believe that we are the heroes of our own story, not the villain. We’re all fighting to believe that we are right in our lifestyle, interests, and beliefs.
But we’re so busy trying to keep ourselves afloat that we’re not sure how to cope when we sink a little. It’s the opposite of self-esteem: knowing how to be confident when we’re wrong.
When we’ve been fighting tooth and nail to assert ourselves, and then the rug gets tugged out from under us, it’s a sickening feeling. Oh, I made a mistake, you might say. You shrink to about an inch tall. And you’re vulnerable and pale and sweating. You pray that your deodorant is working. You start to think about all of the other things that you could have been wrong about in your life. Your career choice. Your significant other. Your choice of toothpaste. Suddenly, your confidence is gone, and you doubt yourself wholeheartedly. Being right and believing in yourself is easy. Being wrong? Not so much.
The truth is, confidence has been taught as a one-way street. Along with being taught to take pride in ourselves (in all the good) we need to be taught to take pride in our falls (in all the things we would prefer not to applaud.)
Come, say it with me, everyone makes mistakes. From Johnny Depp to Santa Claus, everyone has flaws. And the faster you can stand up and say that you accept yourself for who you are, every freckle and wrinkle in between, the more complete your confidence can be. The more you won’t crack under the pressure of scrutiny. The more you can be yourself.
So, with the same chest puffing and smiling you give when you stand up to say I’m right, do the same when you are wrong. There is really no difference between them; only that you learn a more valuable lesson from one of them. Neither can change who you are.
My parents got into stained glass when I was young. (I realize that I just made it sound like a new street drug, but stay with me.)
I can distinctly remember creeping down the wooden stairs of my basement to peer through the small space between the wall and the staircase to watch my father shape the glass pieces he was using. The shrill sound that the machine made as he meticulously ran the piece against it is still loud in my ears. Then he would take a ribbon of copper-colored foil and cover the edges of the glass with it. After that, he would make sure that the foil had stuck to the glass by using a plastic knife to flatten it. When he was finished, he would carefully solder it all together, the liquid droplets streaming like mercury, to make a small angel or a hot air balloon or a sunflower or a unicorn. Soon enough, his creations would pepper every window in our house and our friends’ houses. Then, when we needed a new creation, my mother would take me to the stained glass store so that she could pick out clear dark blues, milky pinks, and opalescent whites. Sunlight would strike the shop through the windows and illuminate her choices with dust motes swirling.
And so, I’ve always loved stained glass. I’ve sat in churches, fading in and out out of sermons, wondering how anyone could get that much detail into a window, how they could render the images of saints and souls in vivid color. I would watch light shift and undulate through the panels, making them shimmer and come to life.
But in the end, coming to life is what it is all about. We’re all stained glass windows. No, really. Light shines through us all of the time, through what we do and what we feel. We let light pass through us out into the world, and we also let light pass into us from the world. We are simply mediums for what we see and experience. This is living.
But what will you do with your life? Will you make it more than you were given?
Because you always have a choice: you can be the window, everyday. You can let the light shine through you, no matter how smudged or mud-covered you may get. (And that’s good enough. I promise you that). But you can also be the stained glass window, in which light not only shines through you, but allows you to project color and beauty outward. Through this, you are able to give something back to the world when it is giving so much to you.
So, what will it be for you? Will you dazzle in a technicolor display? Will you, no matter what, let the light shine through you? Will you be like stained glass?
I hope more than anything that you will. Because once you see yourself for the piece of art that you are, you will make use of the light that shines through you.
Bailey Dailey 